What now?

I hope for “again.” Call me whatever but I am seriously hoping for it. You know the feeling of waking up…again…in the morning and you know that this day is gonna be alright, that you’re gonna be okay, and somewhere around the corner something special is gonna happen, and things just feels so right. I want it.

I’m sitting on my own today, here, where I used to sit with someone, with my friends, with strangers, anyone…and as I watch these people, I thought how fleeting happiness could be, and in just a snap, without you seeing it coming through, could possibly turn wine and tears dating. Now I wonder, how do you call the feeling between happiness and sadness? You know when you feel nothing, nothing at all and excitement is dead, and the world is so happy and full of love wherein you’re supposed to feel that way too, and you’re supposed to say something…but nothing comes out, both from your mouth and your heart. I think that’s the worst of all the worst feeling.

So, most of the people you can see right now are group of friends hanging out, boyfriends and girlfriends holding hands, students playing, students rushing, security guards roaming, some loners like me, (but if you reached here reading, then you didn’t leave me, then I’m not one of them.haha) and these hundreds of people (including you) who only exist in the imaginations of all the people who is in here.

Sometimes you try to live in the present, but sometimes you just got stuck in what’s in your head, and you think what could have been? Or it could have been…Sometimes it’s not about this or that, nor my friends, family, my dogs, what clothes to wear, my hair that I spend 30 minutes to dry, my freakin’ lame rotten computer, those sale season on my favorite store, heat of summer, the humid weather, lil fight with my brother, doing the laundry, etc… but sometimes it’s about those things that is out of your life. And you wonder how will you let them in. And when circumstances gave a chance for you to let them in, you will start to wonder now how to make them stay.