Loving Where I am. Missing Where I've Been.

Why do you exist in my dreams? And even saw what could happen. One, two, three... Alright, I'm so trying hard to decode it myself.

You know it felt tiring sometimes, and I feel pressured as well when people ask me how or why about this certain thing. Because it's devastating and frustrating that I can't answer them, and me myself doesn't even know, and though I don't prove what I believe or myself, I'd still like to know the origin of these whatever enigmatic thing that overshadowed my heart. But I just really can't. All I can is just say 'I just know.'

I've got be blunt, maybe I am not really happy, BUT I'VE NEVER FELT HAPPIEST LIKE THIS EVER. You know the feeling of contentment, peace but fun, love, and all those positive feelings. I do still wonder where do I get all of these. But I learned that I gotta stop questioning, instead get used to it and cherish it, and remind myself that I deserve all of it. And faith is what I feel more than hope now.

Off to Visit DLC Street

'twas a sunny thursday. The weather's perfect. And I was kind of surprised that kuya-lysol-na-tiga-linis-ng-elevator remembered us, when in fact I don't remember him. hahaha Anyway, just found it so crazy when a person I don't barely know knows me.:))
Dang! It just feels so good and right. I may not be there everyday like July, but it doesn't matter. Feels like it's still closer anyway, though I'm going far south now. It doesn't show. But, believe me, you have no idea how I miss it. Badly.♥



You know, I miss you everyday.

Dream On

I had the weirdest dream two days ago. But it'll be much weirder if I tell you what about.
Maybe it wasn't really the weirdest, but it gave me the weirdest feeling ever.

Fuck you I'm not competing with you.

I'm enjoying my job right now, I'm learning a lot, and I know that what I'm doing now will be of great part of what will I do or who will I become in the long run. But oh please help me god, 'cause I don't find connection with some of the people I'm working with, and that's a bit thorny for an Aquarian like me. I'm fine-tuning with everything and I know I can, it's just that in a flash I came to a point that I miss where my heart feels tranquility and contentment and instant happiness and connectivity I don't have to put a lot of an effort in crushing the law of attraction.

Sometimes I hate it when people treat me as their competition. For whatever sort, It pisses me of, really. You know I don't have anything against your so-called "healthy competition", I am human, and I do it from time to time, not just in excessive manner. And I do dislike the feeling of it. It's not that I don't like competing, or I'm short-tailed about it, it's just that I found it so puffed up and hyped, that everyone is trying to be the best and everyone seem to forget to try to be different. Sadly, reality moves in the mainstream, and it doesn't need much of people trying to be different.

You've been appearing in my subconscious lately, and for some reasons I don't know why.---> This stuff is mystifying me, makes me wonder a lot, but still put an anticipation in me which I find weird. I think it's not indispensable anymore but it's still staying.

I Do Get Sad

I am sad today for some reasons.

Letting go is the last thing I will do to anything that makes me happy. And if I moved on already, I don't like the idea of going back to it or bringing it in back on the picture. What's the deal ha?

I'm kind of disappointed on how's life throwing things to me today. I'll be alright maybe later, but today, I'm really sad...a rare unexplainable circumstance that didn't hit me in the past few months.

Superfluous Hasty Time

Let me share to you one of my favorite lines in my favorite movie Big Fish...

Young Ed Bloom: I just saw the woman I'm going to marry. I know it. But I lost her.
Amos Calloway: Oh, tough break. Well, most men have to get married *before* they lose their wives.
Young Ed Bloom: I'm gonna spend every day for the rest of my life looking for her. That, or die alone!
Amos Calloway: Damn, kid. Lemme guess. Real pretty? Reddish-blondish hair? Blue dress?
Young Ed Bloom: Yeah!
Amos Calloway: I know her uncle. Friends of the family.
Young Ed Bloom: Who is she? Where does she live?
Amos Calloway: Forget it kid, don't waste your time. She's out of your league.
Young Ed Bloom: What do you mean? You don't even know me.
Amos Calloway: Sure I do! You were hot shit back in Hickville, but here in the real world, you got squat! You don't have a plan, you don't have a job, you don't have anything except the clothes on your back.

Going Straight on Zigzag Roads

The fact is I like you. Fiction is...I don't know! Fuck you. Don't ask me about the fiction 'cause I don't sweat over it. I don't mind it 'cause I care about the fact.
Okey. What I wanna say is that I don't mean the three sweet words (yet), but dang. I don't want to just barely know you. I want to get to know you for real. ALL OF IT. Everything about you... What people like about you, even more what people dislike about you. I want to dig them deep. I WANT IT. I don't wanna like you because of my ideas on you. I don't want to watch you just from afar, I want to watch you closer. I don't want to just shook hands with you, I want to hold it, and it holding mine. I don't want to just talk what we had for lunch or business stuff, I want to talk for real. I don't want to just hear or say "see you around" but instead I want "I'll be seeing you." If people will think that I'm wanting too much, well I don't care. I have never wanted so bad like this before and I'm persistent about it. Just subtly.

Maybe people won't get me by now, but all I can think is that it's amazing that I have this drive, that I don't just have it in my mind, but I feel it in my heart. I'm taking advantage of this because Maya is back, the one who's always having positive attitude or outlook in everything, the one who is bubbly, always happy, don't want to see people with upside down smiles or people fighting, et cetera et cetera.

I don't want to leave you in my July. I want you in my August, September, October, November, December, 2010, 2011..... And I can just go on forever here.

Stick Man and No She

And she sauntered forward with a neurotic head, she scratch her top and wonder if stick man will ever be there. Day by day it was just fine, hearing her clock ticks every second, looking at those beautiful and unpleasant faces of people walking by, and there was no any trace of stick man, no foot paths on her route or the protracted scent of his tobacco.

She calls him something, which I can not tell you.

And she sauntered forward with an unwind head, he lit it once or maybe more. He seized some shots in awe and marvel at seven if she will ever be there. Day by day, night by night it was just so fine. He rushes in the tick sound, and he treads heavily, and his pencil stomp the paper, and he look at these people, passing the time to discern her. There was no any trace of her, no foot paths on where he stood, no introverted eyes that enthusiastically wanted to stare. No strong force that sends his blood veins mingling in his heart. No she.

Stick man blink his eyes as she passes by.

And stick man calls her love which she never knew. And she calls him something which will never be known.

Rainy Season is on

I woke up today and it’s raining hard. I like it ‘cause I’m staying home today. Haha
But I have to clean the house ‘cause tomorrow is the BIG day! My sister is coming home with her boyfriend tomorrow. I’ve never seen her for almost two years so I really really miss her. :) I’m gonna be a nice lil sister now. Haha :))

Bliss Oh Uh Bliss!

"got bruises on my knees for you."
-Chairlift

Everything Will Be Okey. In My Dreams?

i love the ink